May be M.I.A. for a while...

The layoff has really hit me hard, so I might not be blogging as often as usual. I keep hearing, "You'll find something in no time!" from people, and while I appreciate their support and encouragement, I have to wonder if they're living under a rock. This is the highest unemployment rate and worst economy in 60 years, hence my layoff. And devoting four years of my life to a company I loved wholeheartedly is not something I will get over in a week or even a month. The whole realization hits me in bits, so this will be a long grieving process.

I filed for unemployment, cleaned up my resume, and had it sent out the day after I got laid off. I was operating on auto pilot. By the grace of God, when I contacted my freelance company, they had a small proofreading project they needed completed. And a resume I sent to a company downtown in Baltimore called and wanted me to take an edit test for a short, five-week copyediting assignment. I drove down the same day they called and am hoping they'll call w/good news in the next few days. It's certainly not ideal, but it would buy me some time.

My dumb computer is on its last leg, and it's making life more difficult. I am trying to apply online for an assitant copyeditor position and the page won't load correctly. There are definitely those moments I feel like I can't win.

I am taking myself out of the blogging arena because if I don't, my blogs will all resemble this one for a long time, and I'm sure people won't understand why I continue to mourn and not move on. I realize that I am by far luckier than so many people in this world, but a few turns my life has taken have been hard on me, and putting on my Polly Positive face right now isn't the easiest thing. So I'm just going day to day. Hope to be back soon with a new game plan. Until then, take care.

Life as I Know It? Over.

I was laid off today. I was let go from a position I loved and a company I loved.

My wonderful boss was let go too. Someone who has been with the company 26 years gone, just like that.

I am an unemployed, single mom and I'm terrified. I am mourning the loss of something that was a large part of my identity.

Hope there's a dawn after this darkest hour.

Nothing to Do But Frown

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

So do cramps.

Celebrating Stephanie's Miraculous Three-Year Anniversary

Today marks three years from my high school friend, Steph's multi-visceral transplant (small bowel, liver, pancreas, and stomach). All the tiny burdens that I've dealt with this week suddenly have been washed away by the incredible moment of this day.

Here is Steph w/her husband Nate and their gorgeous little sweetheart, Jonah.



Anyone who wants to send well wishes to Steph or read more about her incredible experience should visit her Web page (This is also a link on "My Faves" list).

I dedicate this beautiful, perfect spring day to Stephanie!!!

Train Wreck

My child has had diarrhea since Sunday. Third bout since November. This one I believe is food related. No matter the cause, I am up to my elbows in dirty diapers, bananas, rice, applesauce, toast, and mommy misery. I carried her straight from her crib to the bathtub and put her in with her dirty socks still on. She screamed at first and then proceeded to try to capture all the poop flakes that were now floating around in the tub.

When I was changing her diaper yesterday for the 6,295th time, my nose started bleeding. I grabbed a Pampers wipe, shoved it up my nose, and continued to diaper her. Claire reached over as she was lying down, grabbed a wipe, and tried to shove it up her own nose.

On Monday night I laid down to watch House. House is my favorite show. Do I even need to tell anyone? With 12 minutes left (it was 8:48 p.m. yes, I remember the time), my one-week old cable mysteriously flipped the Fox channel to the CW channel. CW is channel 14, Fox is 15. So at that point BOTH 14 AND 15 were now CW, and both had no audio. So with 12 minutes left in a new House episode, I was left watching Gossip Girls. Soundless.

Claire's dad came up to watch her yesterday around noon so I could go into work. Bangs that I trimmed in one awkward cut of the scissors hung in spikes on my forehead. No two ends of my hair came together because they're split up to the scalp. No hopes of a haircut until at least next week. 8 months without a haircut. I keep trying to unzip this fat suit off of me, but then I realize it's not a suit. It's just me. Sweatpants are not on the dress code at my office. Jerks.

On my way home from work, I stopped at the grocery store to restock on banana puree and saltines. I decided I needed a tub of sugar cookies, my drug of choice. It was pouring rain as I walked a mile across the parking lot to my car. My hands were full of heavy bags (laundry detergent weighs 87 tons), and my car keys were lodged in my coat pocket. I tried to shift the bags, and that's when the bag with the cookies slipped from my hand, hit the ground, and the tub of cookies broke open and cookies went flying across the wet parking lot.

I picked those damn cookies up and ATE THEM ANYWAY. Yeah, you heard me.

I got Claire ready for daycare this morning. I offered her a post-dated check for $1,000 if she could make it through daycare today w/o explosive poop (check is post-dated for September 2056). I prepared all food for daycare today (and by prepared I mean put saltines in a bag and wrote her name on a cup of applesauce) and hauled her out to the car. I stopped in a shopping plaza parking lot that's right across from daycare and jumped out, opened her door, and did a sniff test, ready to change her diaper so daycare wouldn't suspect she still may have the runs.

After this exhausting project, I stopped at Starbucks to get a soy chai and a buzz-inducing pastry. I got out of the car, started to walk toward the door, and realized I forgot my purse at home. By this time, my hair was matted down to my head, and I came to the conclusion that I probably looked more attractive in my 8th grade picture, the one with the puffy sleeved sweater, my over-moussed mullet, and me in braces.

At work, I sat down with a piece of coffee cake my boss brought in two days ago and a cup of the free cocoa they still offer here. As I sat down, my nose started bleeding profusely. I grab what ends up being the last tissue in my box of 250. I am left to use the brown sandpaper recession napkins in the work kitchenette.

Hi, I don't like this camp anymore and want to leave. Then I realize, I'm the director of this camp. Ugh. I need a s'more.

I'm Not God's Best

Per Joel Osteen on Live on Larry King...

King: Should a gay couple be allowed to adopt?

Joel Osteen: I think that, again, it's best for a male and a female. I'm not saying that gay people aren't good people. ...

King: Or good parents.

Joel Osteen: Yeah, exactly. But again, I like to shoot for God's best, and that is a father and a mother in the home. It doesn't always happen. I know a lot of people raised by single parents. And you know what? We bless them and pray for them as well. But I think God's best is a male and female.


Sooooooooooo I'm just kind of second best because I'm a single parent? Hmmm. Thanks, Joel. Just another reason for me to put on my list of "Why Right-Wing Christian Fanatics Are Bogus."

Another Visit to Port Discovery!

Claire's daddy thought Port Discovery was the mostest fun. So this past Saturday, we packed her up and headed down for another day of discovering!

Please forgive me for this mess---I have friends who take beautiful pictures. I do not take beautiful pictures.

Claire and Daddy one level up in the "Urban Treehouse."



Claire was fascinated by the Wonders of Water exhibit. Mommy and Daddy did not observe that rain coats were available. Dang.



Coming down the rope tunnel in the Urban Treehouse (a little blurry, sorry)



Having a blast in the ball pit.



Walking with Daddy through the hallway of flashing buttons!



After our adventures at Port Discovery, it was off to Houlihan's for lunch. Claire was very intense with her crayons.



Claire and her Daddy, both doing some people watching (see where she gets that curly hair!)



After lunch we headed home for naptime. After a nice two-hour nap (Mommy actually joined in this activity!), it was off to Northwest Regional Park for some good old-fashioned digging in the mud! Claire loves the mud!

Before heading home, we made a pitstop at the Stride Rite at the mall for her second pair of shoes. She wore the first pair into the ground, and we bought her a fresh pair for spring...



We had great weather that day (thankfully, because I saw SNOWFLAKES from the office window today..ugh). I am getting more excited for the warmer weather to finally arrive to stay, because it's a lot of fun taking Claire outside...she loves to run around. I have found that taking her to one of the empty baseball fields at the park is a great idea, because she can run and play and it's fenced in and grassy, so when she runs ahead of me, I'm not as panicked.

Stay tuned...an upcoming adventure includes the train ride at Wheaton Regional Park and a walk through Great Falls Park! Springtime, please get here soon!!

Media Euphoria

It has been a big week at la casa de Kara.

Last week, I officially became a subscriber to Netflix. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner. I am a film freak, but I am a bit challenged in the art of renting movies. Remember my library book disorder? It extends into movie rentals as well. I rent and then this horrible disease sets in that forbids me from returning the movie on time. So much so that I can no longer rent movies at Blockbuster or Hollywood Video.

The other bogus thing is that the movies I like are usually not on the shelves at your average video rental establishment. I am an indie film nut. Yeah, I do a lot of subtitles as well. Most rental stores stock up on Deuce Bigalow and Friday the 13th Part 98, but not so many are carrying Ryna or L'Auberge Espagnole.

In comes the Netflix solution. They have every single movie on my wish list! AND they send them right to your mailbox! AND there is no due date! NO DUE DATE! NO LATE FEES! You just pop the sucker into a POSTAGE-PAID envelope and mail it whenever you're done! Then you get your next pick! Most people discovered this revelation years ago. I knew about it but never wanted to commit. Oh baby, I sure am committed now! I signed up and received my first DVD (The Wackness) two days later. I just mailed it back today and will hopefully receive my next DVD (4 luni, 3 saptamâni si 2 zile) sometime this week. Yes, I'm in heaven.

That, however, isn't the biggest news. Drumroll. Ladies and Gents, after seven loooooong years, I have once again subscribed to CABLE. No longer do I have to stand and hold an antenna to watch four crappy channels!

This move was precipitated by the fact that Fox 45 decided to switch over to digital TV before the June deadline. That means I could no longer watch House. That is in no way acceptable. Next to Claire and potato bread, Hugh Laurie is my world.

SOOOOOOO as of 12:30 pm yesterday, I have cable!!!!!!! As if in a heroin haze, I just flipped through channels over and over and over. I have already watched two free On Demand movies. I sat at 12:30 am watching something called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." I could not look away. I have made the conscious decision that this novelty must wear off before the week's end, because I do not want to become a TV addict! I will force a book into my remote-hogging hands and read, read, read!

After the Lifetime movie is over. SEND HELP!