Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sunday bits

I'm at the office working on copyediting. That seems to be my constant Sunday activity these days. My child is sick. Ugh. We just got through the Thanksgiving bought of diarrhea. Now it seems she has some sort of cold. But of course when she gets a cold, there is always a fever that goes w/it, i.e., no daycare. If I send her and the fever goes over 101, she can't go back the next day. Am I a horrible mother because I'm slightly irritated because I just simply cannot miss anymore work?!?! We are leaving for home on Friday, and this just doesn't fit into the plans. She slept a LOT the last two days, and by magic, after a dose of ibuprofen drops and her sleep this morning from 10 to 12:30, she woke up happy as always, flying around like a nut. Oh, I just pray it lasts. Ugh.

Must get back to my duties here. I did not get to go to the sing-fest at Red Canoe as I'd hoped :-( but I did at least stop at Starbucks. Some lady behind me was chatting to me, obviously not sensing that I'm not a people person. But I just tried to step into my mom's shoes (a people person) and be friendly. She was nice. She complimented my sweater (some 10-year-old thing that I miraculously can squash myself into that I wore because they don't heat the office on Sundays). She also tried to guess my age and guessed 33. Anyone who guesses an age BELOW the my actual age is fine by me. They were playing Love's Recovery by the Indigo Girls in Starbucks. I got a caramel macchiato-flavored biscotti. All in all, good trip.

And that would be it for the Sunday bits.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The End of an Era

I can't believe it. A piece of my childhood has been ripped away from me. The economy has claimed more than jobs, it has claimed a beloved Christmas tradition.

Archway Cookies is going out of business.

Every year I look forward to several things...egg nog (and all things egg-nog related), Christmas cards, hearing O Holy Night, and Archway Frosted Fingers.

I have eaten these cookies since I was a little girl. I have stolen them out of the bottom drawer in the kitchen and hid them in my room (sorry Mom). Mom has bought them for me year after year, even though I've been out of the house for over ten years. They are always waiting for me at Mom and Dad's house like a trusted friend. The sight of them makes my heart leap. There is nothing that even comes close.

What do I do now? Life will never be the same.

O Christmas Fairy, Hanukkah Armadillo, Festivus King...can you please make a little girl's dream come true this Christmas? PLEASE BRING BACK THE FROSTED FINGERS.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Winter haze

I'm blaming my recent bout of "unable to get it together" syndrome on the arrival of bitter cold air to my little world. Even as I type this, my fingers are numb and my pee has frozen in my bladder like a pee-sicle. Sorry for the graphic.

So let's see...I have thank you's written out for Claire's birthday party that haven't been sent. You know, that was only a month and a half ago. Grrr. Then there are the birthday cards...niece Holly (November 11), brother Greg (November 20), sister Beth (November 29)...all laid out on my desk. Addressed. Not sent. Double grrr.

I was also infamously known in the past for sending my Christmas greeting cards on December 1. Religiously on December 1. I've gotten as far as buying them and cutting the wallet-sized pictures of Claire that will be enclosed. I had planned on writing as many out tonight as possible. This plan may be affected by yet ANOTHER copyediting project. I feel like a jerk for's money I need. But geez. Aren't they aware how lazy I am?

Project Trainwreck from my previous blog is going to be a long-term project instead of the initially projected five nights. I have one corner of my bedroom cleaned. That's where it stands. I'd love to have a half decent apartment by the time I go home to Pennsylvania on December 19. We'll see.

Just a few scattered comments...if anyone has the opportunity in the next few weeks to visit the Garden of Lights...Seasons of Light tour at Brookside Gardens, PLEASE do so. Brant and I took Claire on Saturday night, and it was beautiful! We almost skipped the train exhibit but decided to go in to warm up a bit, and it was really amazing. Don't forget to stop at the conservatory for hot cider or hot chocolate! There was a small orchestra of flutes playing Christmas music while we were drinking our cider, and it was really nice. Claire really enjoyed that.

Oh, for anyone reading who has any baby equipment (high chair, Bumbo, pack and play, etc.) that you no longer have use for, I have one thing to say...CRAIGSLIST!!!! I have had great success in the past, and this morning I posted a Baby Einstein Musical Activity Jumper (think exersaucer that can also bouncer) that Claire has outgrown, and I sold it in under an hour!! I love it! Not only do I clear room in my apartment, I make $30 to boot!

Think that's all that's going on in my head in the present moment. For anyone affected by my winter haze head, forgive me. I'll keep working to get things straight...just keep warm in the meantime.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Project Train Wreck

First, the breaking news...


Oh sweet Marie, I didn't think I'd EVER be finished with that thing. But alas, I e-mailed the files to the editorial coordinator this morning and I never want to read about clinical hematology again!

So I'm taking tonight OFF. I wish I had cable so I could watch a Christmas movie on the Family Channel. Maybe I'll watch a movie. Whatever, the point is, I do not have to sit in front of that computer and copyedit!

After tonight, however, there is an even bigger task to tackle.

My apartment.

Ugh. It's a disaster. It's a miserable place to come home to, and that is just not acceptable. I have let it go for a while because I've had back-to-back copyediting projects for so long. But now it's time to take a deep breath and dive in (someone please call in the search and rescue party if you hear muffled cries from a pile of clothes on my bed).

So as of Thursday evening begins Project Train Wreck. One room a night for five nights. At the end of those five nights, a clean apartment! Well, as clean as I can keep it with Tropical Storm Claire (who will soon be upgraded to Hurricane Claire). By the end of the night, there are random shoes and wipes and other such objects all awry. I looked down at her this morning and she had a knee-hi in one hand and a ladle in the other. That's my girl.

A clean place equals a more peaceful me. So after all those years of my mom saying, "Now wouldn't you feel better if your place was straightened?" I can finally answer yes, yes I would!! Now maintaining it? Yeah, we'll talk about that sometime in another blog.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I Pity the Fool Quack! Quack!

I was looking online last night at bath toys. I want to get Claire something for the bath for Christmas, since she loves bathtime so much. I was on, and I came across the funniest rubber duck I've ever seen...

This is from a store called "Celebriducks" (I'm not joking). There are a lot of funny ones on there, but this was by far my favorite. I'm thinking Claire just might need a Mr. T. rubber duck.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Stuff and Nonsense

Stuff and Nonsense is a song by Split Enz, i.e., Neil Finn before Crowded House. I thought it was a good blog title because I have about 20 blogs running through my head, each containing about 2 lines. I am just throwing them out here, because I can't really form a complete blog out of any one or maybe I just don't want to put out the effort.

I was driving on Reisterstown Road today at lunch to go to the bank and card store. I saw CJ's Crabhouse. I've lived here almost 9 years and have passed that so many times. It is in such an odd place. It looks well kept. But I don't like seafood, so it's not somewhere I'd think to stop.

I need a break from my neverending copyediting (of which I was doing at 3:20 am after waking from a restless sleep with a nervous headache and the shakes). It is the thorn in my side, the weight on my shoulders. Two more chapters, cleanup of a few, acknowledgments. Long. Tedious.

I did go to the card store. Each year I relish the task of picking out boxed Christmas cards. I went to the Hallmark store and as it turns out, they were running a buy one box, get one half off special. I scanned the shelves. Lots of OK stuff, nothing that really grabbed me. But I did want the discount, so I settled on two boxes of the same design. They don't thrill me, but they're OK. I will whittle down my card list to 36 to accommodate, or else I'll be sending old cards to a few people.

I'm lonely. I've been lonely for a while, but I'm putting it out there officially. Hello world, I'm lonely. I don't particularly want a relationship. I just miss companionship. One day not long ago Brant was "flying" Claire through the air right over to my face where I'd kiss her. She'd laugh so hard. I had a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. This is the family I should have. This is the family I don't have.

It's sad that I hate weekends. Everyone at work waits and waits, and I pretend to be excited, too, but in truth, it's the loneliest time for me. I take Claire for walks and to Starbucks, sometimes to Target, but most of the day we spend in the apartment by ourselves. It's very quiet. I hear stories of friends with kids going to get a Christmas tree or just spending a day together. I do get sad. I try not to, but I do.

I've become unrecognizable as well. Who is the girl in the pictures? Her face resembles mine, but what happened? I should be happy I'm not in the throes of drug addiction or homelessness, but the food addiction has reached a dangerous point. I'm scared and feel out of control. I have promised myself to really reach out for help at the start of the new year. But right now my body feels so unhealthy. I have stopped tending to myself. My hair needs cut, my eyebrows need groomed. I used to love clothes and now I put on whatever I can get around me, which is not much. I have not felt within ten miles of attractive in what feels like years.

Not very uplifting is it. Hmm. The beauty of a blog...I write, you choose whether to read.

So I'm sort of not sure if there is even a path that I'm supposed to take. Right now it feels like I'm sitting in sort of a drizzly, cold place and am stagnant.

At least Christmas is coming. I want to get Claire a toy for the bathtub and a book and that will be it. Mom has given me the do not spend a lot of money speech. I don't have many people to buy for, and I've saved enough copyediting money to get what I need. I would just like for my mom and dad to be able to stay home with me while I'm home. I'm beyond wishing for any gifts. I really don't want a thing. It will just be nice to feel like I belong somewhere.

OK, all this stuff and nonsense is done now. Please everyone enjoy each day of this holiday season, because it is the best time of the year!