Thursday, October 1, 2009

Autumnation


I need a vacation. Period.

Life has been a bit unsettling for...well, a really long time!

Losing my job this year hit me in such a way that is hard to explain to even my closest friends and family. My very foundation felt like it crumbled beneath me. My loyalty was so dedicated to both the company and my job, and it was literally like a very bad breakup. It shook my confidence and stripped me of self-esteem. Even with these words, I still can't describe the sense of betrayal and loss I felt. When driving from Claire's daycare to the metro station every morning, I come to the light that used to take me to T. Rowe. Now instead of a right turn I make a left. I glance up at the entrance and see long rows of cars making their routine left turn that leads them to their workday. It still stings to see it.

The new job is coming along. I still have so long to go in this learning process, and the changes are still difficult to get used to. I feel so blessed to have gotten this job and there are definitely many more opportunities for me to improve my skills and really shine. But the adjustment period has been challenging. Just our morning routine is enough to throw me off. Whereas my old "commute" was a mere 10-15 minutes, with Claire's daycare just down the road from T. Rowe, now it involves much more. I had to be at T. Rowe at 8:30 am, which meant I could leave the house at 8:15 or so (oh, I was also blessed with a very lenient boss who didn't mind if I showed up ten or so minutes late). Claire could sleep until she woke naturally, which was until about 7 or 7:30. I often stopped at Starbucks on the way to work to pick up a chai and sometimes a coffee for Mark or Jonathan.

Fast forward to the present. I am supposed to be at work here by 8 am. That has been more than challenging, and as of late I haven't been doing very well. I get up at 5 am to get myself ready. I wake Claire up at 6 am and put Elmo on for her and give her milk. I hold her for a half hour. I will NOT give that up. She is understandably tired and therefore, more clingy, and I enjoy this time together. Of course, that doesn't help the schedule. I have to get her dressed and cleaned up, get her daycare stuff ready, my lunch stuff, etc., and have us out the door by 7 am. HA! Exactly. Not happening. Once I get her to daycare, she is often clingy, not wanting me to leave, particularly when she is left w/one of her morning teachers who isn't exactly the warmest individual out there. After I unlatch her from my leg, I walk out the door (feeling like a jerk) and get myself to the metro station parking lot, aka, the Indy 500 track. Don't ask...just know that these people treat that parking lot like it's the Beltway. I then run to try to catch the train before it leaves the station and I have to wait for the next one. My success rate on that is 50/50. Once on the train, I travel for 25 minutes, hop off and then run down to the office. I feel like I have a whole day in before I even sit down to work.

Did you enjoy that long, boring, self-indulgent story? It's my blog and I can whine if I want to (you would whine too if it happened to you..do do do do).

My nights are much the same. I hop off the train and hustle to the daycare, sometimes stopping at Giant for any necessities. Claire and I get home and I make her dinner, then it's bath time or play time (I will need to blog about how she is obsessed w/diapering her baby doll...it's so cute). Then to her room for books (or more diapering) and bed. Then mommy makes herself some dinner and the trend since starting the new job is I fall asleep in my room around 9 pm, sometimes w/the light still on and my contacts in. I cannot shake the exhaustion.

So my days are rolling into one another with no truly good routine.

I have decided mommy needs a weekend retreat. So here, blogger friends, is where I need your input or suggestions.

My requirements...somewhere I can go that isn't too far. Somewhere that has woods I can walk through. Somewhere quiet...maybe a small town with a great main street, bookstore, fruit stands. I'm thinking quiet rejuvination. Oh, and cheap. Let's not forget cheap.

Brant is thankfully supportive and would take Claire for two or three days. I'm blessed that way.

So there you have it...my year's journey that has led me to today, in need of a little clarity and rebooting.

UPDATE: I already think I found a place...Boonsboro, MD...near Hagerstown (hi, Jess!)...I pass the exit when I go home to PA on Route 70. It is quaint, has the Appalachian Trail (walk through woods), a very cute main street that includes a book store, and a few nice inns that if I go on a weekday won't cost a fortune. I'm going to try to do this in October. Wish me luck!

2 comments:

In-Sung said...

Have a nice and relaxing time to yourself. I am glad you finally find sometime for yourself. You always do your best and such a great mom, friend, worker who I know. Nothing that I say may cheer you up at this moment but it is totally okay. Love,

LoveLladro said...

no kidding! that's awesome! call me if you need anything... home cooked meal, friendly face, directions... anything! it really is great out here... should be a nice getaway.