Monday, October 5, 2009

Oh life is bigger, it's bigger than you

I just posted this question to my mom and to poor Mary Zane...

When you were younger, did you ever have this sort of illusion of how your life was going to work out and then as you got older and looked back all of the sudden you realized it just wasn’t working out the way you planned it at all?

Yeah, I'm sure everyone feels that way. But I'm really kind of in the middle of something I can only label as an existential crisis. It's not the kind of crisis that comes to a head like a Level 5 hurricane or anything like that. It's just a slow process of feeling really unsettled, thinking about where I am, where I should go, being really confused and kind of down about it.

I'm not doing a very good job of articulating my thoughts, which really adequately represents how I've been feeling for a while. Unsettled. Wayward. Garbled.

I'm an answer gal. I like neat, tidy answers. I like taking proactive steps to "fix" a problem. But I'm not sure the direction I need to take here.

This is what I call talking in circles. Sorry if I made anyone dizzy.

2 comments:

In-Sung said...

A very serious question...it makes me dizzy too. Hope you find an answer!

LoveLladro said...

I think I used to feel this way until my mom died. I think then slowly I realized that I never know what is going on. My only job is to hang on to what I have in the present and go along for the ride to the future. Easy in words, harder in practice.