Autumn is Home

So the autumn equinox "officially" started on September 22; however, it didn't feel like fall. Down here in Merry-land, the Indian summer sometimes feels like it lasts forever. I remember the day Laura and I went to see the butterfly exhibit...mid-September. It was SO hot. I was sweating like no human really should.

But in the last few days, autumn has slipped in. I can literally see the difference in the air. It has a different color, a different smell, a different feel. When I arrive at daycare each evening to get Claire, there's a notable difference. I can't even put it into words...that indescribable "essence" of the atmosphere. All I know is that I like it. It feels like home.

A natural inclination toward cooking and baking seeps in...especially for soups and warm spicy baked goods. I have accumulated recipes to try in the next few weeks.

I now dress Claire in her one-piece "footie" pajamas. As I get ready to put her to bed, I switch the light off in her room and we sit quietly together in the new darkness for the last moments of her day.

I put the heat on last night for the first time this season. I traded my t-shirt for a sweatshirt and put socks on my feet. I pull out sweaters and tweed pants in the morning and my white pants have been retired for another winter.

I really do love fall, maybe because it doesn't feel like it lasts long, so I want to hold onto every moment of its cool heartiness.

Before the messiness of winter hits, I am going to come home and wrap myself in this season.

Frustration Nation

I'm really just bummed out today. I'm better off than so many people, but right now, i just feel defeated.

I want Claire to grow up in a house with a yard, and I'm giving her a box apartment with no grass and loud, obnoxious neighbors.

I want Claire to be in the best daycare, so I put her there and can't afford it from week to week.

I want to give my mom and dad gifts and money so they can enjoy life for once, yet I bleed them dry because I can't manage my own expenses.

I park between a Lexus SUV and a Mercedes C-class at daycare, and my own humble Honda is still not paid off---a 6-year car loan to afford a Honda.

I have to fit at least 20 people into my pea-sized apartment for Claire's birthday, so no one will want to stay because it's so uncomfortable.

I want to never look at a picture of myself again, because I don't recognize who I've become but am too weak and lazy to do anything about the weight.

I want to have happy family weekends, but there's no one there to share them with.

I want to put a lousy tank of gas in my car, but am praying I make it on half a tank because there's no money left to fill it.

I work too hard for this. I'm ashamed and angry and jealous and sad. If you put all those in a pot and stir them up, it doesn't make for a good concoction.

So now what? I guess keep prodding through and keep trying.

Tag, I'm IT!!!

Jessica didn't official "tag" me, but I'm posting this anyway.

4 Things I Did Today
1. had morning snuggle time w/my best girl
2. changed two diapers before leaving the house this morning
3. worked on the same horrid proposal all day today
4. ate real (i.e., not lite or fat-free) Thousand Island dressing for the first time in years...oh so good.

4 Things On My To Do List (<-- this is just my to-do list for this evening)
1. fold whites in the dryer, do a load of towels
2. nails/eyebrows
3. cook apple couscous chicken thingy
4. do dishes that don't go in the dishwasher

4 Of My Guiltiest Pleasures
1. Papa John's Tuscan pizza
2. great films
3. clothes and shoes..for me or Claire, doesn't matter
4. ebay

4 Random Facts About Me:
1. I am genetically predisposed to be clean and tidy...and am anything but
2. I was going to name Claire "Kate," but I didn't want people to call her "Katie," so I chose Claire instead. There are people who actually call her Clairey. Go figure.
3. Every night I have slept on the couch..not in my queen-sized bed..since Claire was born
4. I do not hate that Claire goes to daycare and feel guilty that I should.

There you have it.

The Girls of Autumn

Step 1 (then 2, then 3!!)

Subject: I'm Mobile!

From: CurlyClaire@babies.com
To: MinhaeLuvsBread@babies.com; VictoriaDude@babies.com


Dear Minhae and Victoria,

I took steps today! The daycare lady wrote to Mommy on Friday telling her I was taking steps. Mommy was so excited.

Today Daddy took me to my Tiny Tykes class, and when I came home, I was showing Mommy how I take two or three steps at a time. I have great balance! I'm going to be able to walk along with you girls so soon! We are going to have great adventures!

So where should we go first, Vegas or Palm Beach? Chase said he'd meet us there and he has the MasterCard gold with him. Minhae, yes, I did check, and there is a Panera in both places. Victoria, I am Google-ing right now to see if they make leather pants in size 18 months. I call shotgun.

OK, I think Mommy hears me, so I have to log off now. See you soon!

Wheel of Fortune

"Hi, my name is Claire, and see, this is my wheel!



"Mommy gives me one every day after we get home from daycare. It is my favorite part of the day. I eat my wheel and play with my toys. I must do this barefoot though, cause I don't like those socks Mommy puts on me. I take them off immediately.

"I bet you'd all have a great day if you just had a wheel like me. OK, I have to go now, cause my Mommy needs to give me big huggies."

Booster Seats

Just read this valuable article on the efficacy of booster seats.

Claire just transitioned from her infant carrier seat to her "big girl" car seat a few weeks ago, but I still found the referenced article to be of value.

Happy October to everyone!