Facebook is not good for my depression. I can already see mom shaking her head. Yes, mom, I know, I need to stay off the internet.
The internet used to be a great way for me to relax. It still is in some cases. I read people.com, Dear Abby, and a host of other fluff, which is always a good way to wind down.
So then there's Facebook. Facebook initially started as this cool way to "see" people I haven't seen in ages. It was amazing how many people I've reconnected with. But lately, some low points have seeped in.
Pictures of old boyfriends who are now happy with wives. Pictures of families on vacation in all sorts of different places I'll never go. Pictures of homes I will never be in. All sorts of reminders that I'm in a place I never thought I'd be and don't like. It makes my constant feeling of being trapped even stronger. Yet I log on day after day. Masochistic? Probably. I'm good at that.
There is a girl who was a very close friend...I'd say best friend...for several years in high school that I also roomed with in college for two years. We could not have been closer. Through a falling out we lost touch, and after I found her again, I found that she was a completely different person. And she tells me she hates remembering her life in high school and college because that was the low point of her life. Well, that's great, except that I have memories with her that are still special to me. And she never wants to remember. She hates that time. Now she is happy. Attorney husband. Big house. Two beautiful daughters. Lots of friends. Lots of love. I am left w/the college memories that are some of the best times I've had. I am left wondering why I can't have the husband, the house, the life I've always wanted.
So Facebook has definitely been a double-edged sword. And I imagine once I venture back into therapy very soon, my therapist..if he or she is any good..will once again tell me to limit my time on the computer. I guess I've gotten caught in the habit because I have no cable and am alone most of the time. But I suppose there needs to come a point where I just walk away and try to focus on what is going right in life, because that can get buried under the mound of Facebook envy, and it needs to be unveiled.
3 comments:
Nobody is really unhappy in a cyber space like FaceBook. Everyone posts such 'picture' perfect life stories:--literally. With all those fancy pictures and writings. Yes, it is good some times. But I think many people would, to a degree, think the same sort of things that you are going through now. Cheer up. You are a fabulous writer so you need to keep writing on the web!
FB is very addictive, I've discovered. And it occasionally leaves me feeling, well, a little off-kilter, so I know what you mean. I like your blog!
I don't want to come across as trying to change your mind but I did want to comment... so take this with a grain of salt and know I love you. Remember that the online world is only what people willingly put up for everyone to see. There are many many things that people don't show the world, me included. I am so angry that I live with my in-laws in a 400 square foot apartment... I could write a lengthy blog just on that subject alone but I haven't... can bring myself to do it... and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway, I just want to remind you that people may look happy and carefree but I guarantee that life isn't all peaches and roses. Ok, I am done now... remember, I love you!
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