Rose inspired this post...NOT because she looks like a dork, which is 100% physically impossible for Rose, I might add. No, because Rose's story at lunch that centered around a fanny pack caused me to start thinking of objects that truly "dorken up" their owners. I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this list. If I do, well, don't read my blog anymore.
1. Fanny Packs---Convenient? Yes. Stylish? Hell no. And yes, I do expect you to sacrifice utility for fashion in this case. There are acceptable cross-shoulder bags that can accomplish the same things.
2. Crocs---Yes, I know I'll get shot down for this, but I DON'T CARE. Unless you're in the garden, these look STUPID. I see them on men, women, babies...and my opinion never changes, sorry. YOU LOOK LIKE A DORK!
3. "Honor Student" bumper stickers---Hi, I know you're happy your kid made the honor roll. News flash...I DON'T CARE. Get your own life. Stop living vicariously through your dorky kids.
4. Jean shorts---My friend Mark pointed out the obvious dorkiness of jean shorts, which we are now simply calling "jorts." They're outdated. Get some khakis. Next.
5. "Initial" bumper stickers---This was very cool when Outer Banks started it "OBX." However, since that time, every tourist attraction, organization, and everything else under the sun has copied it and now it's just DORKY.
5. Ugg Boots---so yesterday, enough said.
6. "Fake" designer bags---I'm not talking about fake Coach or something. I'm talking Louis Vuitton, etc. If you're getting out of a Dodge Neon and going to your job as a hostess at Bob Evans, I'm pretty sure that "Louis Vuitton" bag you're carrying is a fake. I'm just sayin'...
7. Stuffed animals in the back window of your vehicle---ok, if your toddler threw it up there and you don't know about it, fine. But if you have lined up stuffed animals or highlighted the corners of the back window with them, I hate to break this to you...you're a dork.
I could go on and on, but all of this has depressed me. You get the gist.